IT’S NOT CAKE:
Yep, that was me for pretty much the whole of the last month of my first trimester. I was stuck in that weird phase between not really having a bump yet and looking like I just went harddd at the buffet.
My stomach muscles completely relaxed to make space to accommodate my growing uterus and I lost all the definition I once had (woooooo!). To be honest, this wasn’t difficult to embrace; I just wanted to shout at people ‘it’s not cake! I’m pregnant!’ But of course, you’re not “supposed” to tell anyone until you’ve passed that 3 month mark. (Sidenote: this can be massively isolating in itself)
Ok, sidetracking already. Grab yourselves a cuppa, get comfortable and read on. Actually, fix yourself something a little stronger; perhaps a rum & coke – and make it a double. Go on, do it for me! I’m about to get real candid.
So where do I start? Well, to put it plainly, everything changed when I got pregnant, I’m talking ev-ery-thing – there’s not a part of my body that isn’t different in some way. Even my ears. Yes, you read that right – my ears! I’m laughing as I’m writing this, like am I really about to tell you all how my body has swelled and how my ears have suddenly got a little waxier – gross right? Ahhh the beginnings of motherhood. Alright let’s get started, here’s some notes I made between throwing up, an increased sex drive and crying to JayCee. Momma’s, please let me know I’m not alone…
- Extreme fatigue
- Boobs sore AF (and don’t get me started on my nipples, doing burpees in the gym is now a whole military operation)
- No appetite
- What’s happening to me
- Mood swings, incredibly happy/euphoric one minute and then ‘oh you really wanna try me?!’ the next
- Highly sensitive and emotional
- On my babymoon in Mexico but napping all the time and trying to figure out what’s going on – I’m supposed to be getting turnt?
- I’ve been really paranoid that somethings wrong so we had an early scan and our little baby is just fine
- Even less of an appetite – all food repulses me
- Sweet tooth disappeared (Disclaimer: don’t worry it’s back now)
- Even more exhausted
- So bored of being bored but no energy to do anything
- Overwhelmed and overtired
- Cried because Jaycee just finished the orange juice
- Heightened sense of smell – super repulsed by certain things
- Puking, puking and more puking
- Shit den – no one told me this is how hard it’d be
- My Wisdom tooth’s infected and I can’t take antibiotics or move my face – yaaaassss
- Boobs are still sooo sore and tender; their sensitivity levels are heightened to the max – which I guess has a few bonuses, if you know what I mean?
- Still puking
- Still exhausted
- Low blood pressure
- Dizziness is even worse: can’t get up and walk 5 yards without feeling like I’ll black out
- My nose is always bleeding
- No energy and so bored
- Started to get severe stomach cramps – can’t even walk without being in agony
- So unhappy and miserable (Feeling like a failure for not ‘glowing’)
- We just had a Miscarriage scare but our gorgeous blessing is just fine
- My hair’s starting to grow hella quick (which is kind of a plus for my luscious locks but now means I have to shave my legs once a week instead of going for weeks without picking up a razor)
- My boobs have doubled in size, sounds great but I just sneezed and nearly knocked myself out
I have to say, I had a pretty hard time with it in the beginning; both physically and mentally. It was all just so new but it is without a shadow of a doubt, so worth it. I already love our baby more than anything in the world and feel so very connected to them (we chat everyday – obvi I’m a talker so I’m sure that I’ve put them to sleep a few times!).
THE TOUGHEST PART:
I think the hardest and scariest thing we both faced during this journey was having a miscarriage scare when we were around 12 weeks. I started getting severe stabbing pains and cramps in my stomach (think of your worst ever period pain and then times it by ten and have it on steroids too) to the point where even walking had me wanting to scream. It was the most painful and terrifying experience of my life. When the pain still hadn’t eased up, we went straight to A&E, the Doctor did his best in letting us know he didn’t think we had miscarried but didn’t want to give us false hope. He referred us to have an emergency scan the next day to confirm what’d been happening. JayCee and I went back home, we were both terrified and definitely didn’t get any sleep that night. JayCee was amazing and did his best to keep me calm and smiling. We both prayed and trusted in God that what is meant to be for us, will be.
The next morning, nobody had called me so I rang them to enquire. They told me that no one had made a referral and I should just wait 6 days until my mandatory 13 week scan date. They told us that even if I had miscarried there’s nothing that they could do, so I should just wait. Best believe, I was like erm sorry what? You want me to wait 6 days not knowing. No suhhhhh. I was ready to kick off but luckily they were able to slot us in.
During the scan, I was gripping Jays hand so tight, I literally couldn’t even look at the screen or open my eyes or breathe. Thankfully our lil cherub was perfect, if anything growing quicker than any of us expected. In that moment, seeing their gorgeous heartbeat was the most beautiful thing in the entire world. I was so happy, our baby was fine, healthy and defo has their dads’ big head (just kidding!). The pain was still pretty bad, but I was told that it was caused by my uterus growing and expanding to make room for the baby. I can’t be mad at that right?
Obviously, it goes without saying that the sense of relief we felt was immense. Thankfully, we’re continuing to have a very happy and healthy pregnancy. Though, the whole experience was really scary and we weren’t very impressed with the way it was handled – we focus on the fact that we’re so blessed. Not everyone’s story is like ours and it’s so important that we break the silence and taboo in talking about our experiences. For me, waiting 3 months to tell people is far too long, we told our loved ones straight away because ultimately those are the people who we would always turn to for support.
This is why the work that baby charity Tommy’s are doing is so important. Through their research and amazing #TogetherForChange campaign, they call for an open dialogue to challenge the stigma of silence and shame around baby loss. If we, as a society can talk about it openly, we can help each other feel less alone and pave the way for greater awareness and more research to prevent loss happening. If you’re reading this and need support, please do go and check Tommy’s out – they are beyond incredible.
During the first trimester, I tried to keep as much normality going as possible. I continued to train hard (especially before we found out) I remember being in the gym, doing pull ups, seriously struggling and thinking what the heck is going on? Those were the first tell tales signs that my body was changing. I trained for as long as I could before the fatigue suddenly took hold of my soul! Dramatic, yes… but also factual.
The doctor signed me off work for around a month because of all of the above! I managed to drag myself to the gym and do the lightest of light workouts probably around 4 times during that period. I wasn’t really in a fit state to be training, I mean – I couldn’t even walk 5 yards without feeling like I was going to pass out but I was just so tired of being tired! Between being so drained all the time and puking my guts out, my sex life was pretty non-existent too. What was so strange was that even though I felt like utter shit, my sex drive was sky high. I guess those pregnancy hormones really kicked in!
20 WEEKS UPDATE:
As of right now though, the majority of the sickness has passed and I’m back in the gym – still lifting and loving life. It feels amazing to continue working out, lifting weights and getting the boxing gloves on as much as possible. It’s such an empowering feeling and the release of endorphins is just what I need! I’m so determined to have a natural home birth with no drugs so keeping active is sure to help to get me there.
As for the big news you’re all really here for: Jaycee and I just went for our 20 week scan today and we got to see our little one again. It was such a breath-taking experience, the sonographer was able to look into our baby’s brain and even see the chambers of their heart – it was incredible!
Of course, we found out the sex of our baby and we are both so beyond delighted to announce that we’ll be having a baby boy! Our gorgeous little King is due on December 5th and we cannot wait to meet him.
Until then, we’re getting in all of the mom and dad practise we can!
‘Today’s special moments are tomorrow’s memories.’ — Genie, Aladdin
Love and Peace
Jasmine Reinah xo